a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
