Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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