4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
