i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
