when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
