This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
