Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is Oprah even human
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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