The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
