.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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