are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
