Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
