Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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