I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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