there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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