Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
