Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.

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(817): View more from Texas

Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.

Fav 1 2071 561
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(716): View more from New York

I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.

Fav 4 51 55
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(636): View more from Missouri

My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.

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