I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
