i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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