just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm getting married
To pizza
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
