You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
