I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
