I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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