Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
