hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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