she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
