Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
