i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
