Soap is not a condiment
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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