dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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