Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
