You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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