I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
