The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
