I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
