Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They took my balls.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
