the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
