I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
