i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
