office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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