you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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