i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
