i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
