walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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