Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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