So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
