I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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