what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
