Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i drank out of a bidet.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
