SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
