3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My hand turned me down
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
