Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
