We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
