do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
