There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
