This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
