Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The Olympian is in my bed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
