I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize