whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
