its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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