He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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