If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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