I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize