; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
