Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
